We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
