Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
