dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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