Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
