Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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