Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
