If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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