You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Boobs speak an international language.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
