so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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