i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
