Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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