finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
