I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Randomize
