By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
