do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
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