Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
my shit smells like andre
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
