Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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