Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize