Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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