I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
