Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I can't turn off my feet"
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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