At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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