I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Dear god my vagina.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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