Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
