i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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