Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
