Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
