I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Randomize
