This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
