I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Boobs are out for the taking
whose parrot is this?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
