so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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