She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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