why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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