I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
