I'll bet she douches with gravy.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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