In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
