Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
