Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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