checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
