i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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