I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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