Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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