i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
