No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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