I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
