they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
