mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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