The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
