I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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