She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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