I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize