Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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