I think my fart just growled at me.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
