More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize