hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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