I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
