Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Mom said you looked used
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
