Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
