I'm drive I can fine osifer
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
