I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
