No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
